Today feels all too familiar.
I just got home from dropping Nate off at the airport. He’s headed to Maryland to start training for his new job. And I’m staying back in Seattle, alone. I might be a little rusty on how to do life alone, but I think it will come back quick. The dogs and I used to be pros.
For the first half of our relationship, Nate was still on active duty. He was deployed for at least six months out of the year and sent out on flying trips on top of that. I know this isn’t as long as it can be for some in the military. His deployments were frequent, but short. But no matter if it’s three months, eighteen months or a week long business trip, the ones left behind figure it out. We make it work. It never really gets easier, in my book. I think we just get better at it. I get a little bit better at putting myself out there, reaching out to friends, picking up extra shifts or projects, being an actual healthy person, and just enjoying the stillness that comes with being alone.
Today as I drove home from the airport though, a familiar feeling washed over me. This feeling is a bit of a cocktail: one part sadness, two parts loneliness, an ounce of resolve, and a splash of excitement (please excuse the corniness). For me, time alone is always a period of growth (ok growth and catching up on Grey’s Anatomy). I get to take the time to look inward, cliché as it is. But when day after day you make it to five pm and realize you haven’t spoken a word out loud, you can’t help but become a little more self aware.
So yes, this time around I have my goals, to do’s, and dreams. And I’m sure at least some of them will get checked off. Mostly though, it will be a countdown. A countdown to the visits, the FaceTimes, and to when we all live together under the same roof.
For now, I will focus on this new chapter for Nate and for us. I don’t know where we are going to end up, but I know this is so right. I haven’t seen Nate this happy in such a long time. As he gets back in the pilot’s seat (if that’s even what it’s called, I’ll have to get back to you on that) and chases his dreams I know we are all looking forward to where this step takes us. Even as I sit here and write this, I’m filled with optimism for what the future holds for us.
This might all just be the sunshine and the cherry blossoms talking, but for today, I’ll take it.
